Ok, you may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything about Dan Kaspar for a couple days. Well, I told my self, “Self, let’s not post anything unless it’s new and exciting.”

Whatever is new and exciting in Dan Kaspar’s life is probably only happening in his head (which is full of all kinds of genius stuff but that doesn’t help me much) because he does the same crap all the time!

Comes, goes, cafe, donut, beer, book, hit on girl (unsuccessfully), book, beer, cafe donut, breakfast (loves poached eggs), book, wait for train, hit on girl (again, unsuccessfully), book, beer…

I know he must be writing awesome, amazing songs for us to enjoy because he’s boring the crap out of me with his life. 

Dan Kaspar, if you are reading this, please do something interesting. I don’t want to stop stalking you but it’s driving me crazy.

Please, guys, don’t think I stopped marveling and the greatness of Dan Kaspar. I only want what’s best for him. Maybe he should take up bowling or something. I don’t know. Who am I to judge.

Hey! One thing I’m learning, while stalking Dan Kaspar is that he has really good taste. 

I love learning about Dan Kaspar, even though I can’t figure him out. I read online about some of the music he likes. In earlier blogs I posted some stuff about them.

Here’s a band called The Felice Brothers. Dan Kaspar really likes them. I attached the link to the wikipedia page about them. Thank God for wikipedia. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felice_Brothers

Anyway, it’s good to learn new thinks. That’s the main lesson I’ve gotten out of stalking Dan Kaspar

I didn’t mean all that stuff I said about dan Kaspar becoming a giant fatty. I was just a little upset because I care about him and he seems to eat too many donuts. I would hate to see Dan Kaspar destroy himself with some insane addiction before he even becomes famous. 

But I guess that vegan donuts are ok. Right?

Anyway, Dan Kaspar should be allowed to eat whatever kind of donuts he likes. He must be under so much pressure to create amazing works of genius all the time. Far be it for me to judge Dan Kaspar for seeking solace in a delicious donut.  

Dan Kaspar is most definitely putting on weight. Every time he goes to our cafe, he’s eating donuts. I might have mentioned this guys donut obsession before but I think it’s getting out of hand.

I can’t think of a single singer/songwriter who was fat before he was famous. Do you hear me, Dan Kaspar! You have to get control of yourself before it’s too late.

I’m sorry to rant but when you love somebody…

You’re still an amazing genius, Dan Kaspar. Maybe I care too much. 

In previous blogs I might have mentioned that Dan Kaspar seems to hit on girls who seem a little lesbiany to me. I worry about him because he probably needs a muse or something to help him write amazing songs.

Last night however he was spotted with an actual girl who looked pretty hot. This makes me so happy. Everybody, including geniuses, needs somebody to love (or at least put their penis inside). Dan Kaspar seemed to be well on his way to achieving that goal last night.

I lost track of them at about midnight, mostly because that’s way past my bedtime, but things were looking pretty good. I wish all the best for Dan Kaspar and I’m as pleased as punch that a girl likes him.

Somebody has to look out for a genius like Dan Kaspar. That’s what I’m here for. 

Ok, so Dan Kaspar listed Jacques Brel as one of his influences. Well, I read the wikipedia article about him and I guess everybody lists Jacques Brel as an influence. The main difference here is that Dan Kaspar is an amazing genius and not everybody else is. 

Here’s a link to the wiki article: 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Brel

Once again, I don’t think that I could properly stalk Dan Kaspar without wikipedia. Stalking Dan Kaspar has been a real learning experience. I don’t know who i could have stalked that would give me as much to think about.

Btw, I’m not sure that Dan Kaspar showered today. Does he plan certain days to go unshowered or does he just wake up lazy once in a while? This calls for further investigation. 

Also btw, I’m sorry I haven’t bee posting as often lately. I’ve been distracted with stupid family issues. My sister’s a total looser and everybody always turns to me to solve her damn problems. That’s not important. Anyway, i’ll try harder to keep you all updated.

Well, see you later.

I was busy with a bunch of stuff this week and had to cut back a little on stalking Dan kaspar. The result has been that I haven’t had a single sighting in a few days. I’ll work harder next week and i want to apologize to everybody who was expecting these very important updates.

Here’s some brilliant lyrics from his album in the meantime.

our lady queen of martyrs sits

and stares across the street

she holds salvation in her hand

her children at her feet

cross themselves on their way

to fornicate on school nights

and glance about to see which way

the shadow of the cross lies

our lady queen of martyrs sits

and patiently she waits

into the wild she goes

where the streets don’t know her face

none of the hungry ghosts

can see that she’s out of place

she blesses the damned with a smile

and disappears without a trace

our lady queen of martyrs waits for me

our lady queen of martyrs bares

the body of the christ

her children eat her only child

and cross each other twice

then rush to lie beside her thighs

with bodies soft and broken

and beat their chests to decry

the lies still left unspoken

our lady queen of martyrs sits

and patiently she waits

Amazing, huh?

Ok, Dan Kaspar usually shaves about every third day. 

(There’s an earlier blog all about Dan Kaspar’s shaving schedule. If you’re behind, go back and look at all the stuff you missed so I don’t have to waste everybody else’s time reviewing) 

Well, he’s running a day late on facial grooming. I hope everything is ok. Even though Dan Kaspar usually looks like a slob (which is the prerogative of artistic geniuses) he actually seems to put a lot of effort into it, I think. Or maybe he’s just a slob. I don’t know.

Anyway, the beard is getting a little more out of control than usual and, in the movies at least, when artists stop taking care of themselves, it usually means they’re on a bender or something. I don’t think that Dan Kaspar drinks all that much or takes a lot of drugs but he does seem to never get enough donuts. 

I’m sure everything’s ok. I just worry too much. Maybe Dan Kaspar’s just growing a beard. They seem to be all the rage and it might suite him. I don’t think the world will come to an end if Dan Kaspar gets too lumber jacky. 

I’ll keep everybody posted.   

This guy (is it a guy or the name of the band?) is one of Dan Kaspar’s influences. Pretty darned good!